Marriage
Sayed Mahdi Al-Modarresi
There are three supremely significant episodes that occur within our lives, two of which lie largely out of our control; one being our birth, and the second being our death. The third factor, which we can control and influence, is marriage. It is a significant and momentous event in any person’s life.
(The Sayed spent a few minutes discussing the nature of the shaytan(satan). He mentioned how satan never fails in his effort to attach people to idols, be it in the form of a physical statue or even a mere social ideal). Satan focuses on detaching people from Allah, and steers them towards valuing certain social ideals. In many cases, it is these social ideals (which are essentially idols), that are transfixed within our minds and prevent us from getting married.
We live in a dangerous world where there is constant violence and oppression occurring every day, and the Shia in particular have been subjected to an immense degree of oppression and injustice. Now, there are two types of massacres. There are physical massacres, where the Shia are literally slaughtered for being who they are. And then there are ideological massacres, which is a form of massacre that has affected the youth in the western world today. It is a type of massacre where the youth have fallen victim to their desires and temptations.
The Sayed proceeds to mention the different dilemmas which befall our youth:
The first of which are the carnal desires that the youth undoubtedly experience. This is a genuinely problematic issue that needs to be addressed head on. Parents cannot keep ignoring and neglecting this reality. This is a serious urge that doesn’t just dissipate with time. It is an urge just as impelling as the need to eat and sleep.
When a youth reaches bulugh(puberty) and are not already married, then they will most likely adopt one of three different orientations:
Some will adopt a completely liberal attitude towards the satisfaction of their desires. They seek to satisfy their needs however and with whomever they want, neglecting religious laws and rulings.
Others will be of a conservative nature, which are of two types:
i: those who have restrained themselves for so long, they eventually burst, out of the need to satisfy their natural desire. These people end up either resorting to self-abuse(self-gratification), or the abuse of others.
ii: others who are so religious they remain abstinent and therefore prevent themselves from bursting. However, this type of lifestyle is in no way healthy.
So, what is it that is preventing people from getting married and living a natural life where there is comfort and satisfaction. It is the idols(ideals) that continuously perpetuate among us. One example is the resistance people harbour towards marrying cousins. There is absolutely no issue in this whatsoever, but we have made it an issue. The Quran even spoke about it. The Imams also married their relatives.
Another ideological idol which we continue to propagate is the need to finish studying prior to getting married. Since when was obtaining a college degree such a necessity for achieving success in life, let alone for getting married? Let’s admit it, we just want to claim the prestige and bragging rights of having a degree. If people can work whilst being married, who said you can’t study whilst being married.
Another idol is ‘money’. How many of us claim that we cannot afford to get married. This is perhaps the most ridiculous excuse anyone could make because it is essentially denying the ability of Allah (swt) in assisting us in getting married. How can we not trust Allah (swt) when He says in the Quran:
وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ
And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.
[Surah An-Nur 24; Verse 32]
Let’s stop focusing on trying to get our lives in order before we get married. Rather, let’s put our trust and hope and in Allah (swt) at all times and make the commitment to get married as soon as possible (ideally at 18 years old). Honestly, there will be avenues in your life that will open up in the most miraculous manner.
Parents have a responsibility to fulfil certain rights of their children. Two of these rights mentioned by the Prophet (saws) are:
To choose a good name for them at birth
To get them married when they become baligh(puberty)
To emphasize, these are actual religious responsibilities of the parents. Did you know that according to some grand scholars, if a father refuses to give his daughter permission to get married for unreasonable excuses, the father forfeits his right of being a guardian to his daughter.